Scrabble is a popular board game that is played by millions of people from all walks of life. Annually, thousands of avid Scrabblers take part in tournaments with the ultimate goal of achieving glory. However, more often than not, their hopes are dashed as the top places in every competition are always occupied by the privileged few . The others slog among themselves for mid-table mediocrity. This article will be a guide to players who wish to accelerate to the top by hook or by crook.
To succeed in Scrabble, you must be filthy rich. If you do not fulfill this criteria, you must enter the realm of politics immediately. The funds obtained in this venture will serve you well in your Scrabble career. I'll get to that later.
If you are focused on your goal, you must purchase plenty of Scrabble boards. This will help you to practice , thus improving your skill. If you are exceptionally wealthy, you should buy so many Scrabble sets that prospective players are unable to obtain any for themselves. Though this method may be unethical, it certainly helps to reduce competition.
Achieving glory in tournaments isn't the only worthwhile target. You should also obtain an internet connection and introduce yourself to online Scrabble. There, you can download certain programs such as Lexpert and Zyzzyva to aid your play. In no time at all, you will be the most renowned player in the world.
Another path towards success is to perfect the noble art of cheating. You should master certain techniques such as hiding blanks in your sleeve and identifying tiles based on their texture. This is no easy task though. However, success will remain a fairy-tale if you refuse to make petty sacrifices such as this.
If you somehow get caught, never fear. This is where your money comes to the rescue. You must take meticulous care to offer hefty bribes to the organizers beforehand. This ensures that they will turn a blind eye towards your activities and even disqualify your opponents if they protest on the grounds of them making too much noise , subsequently disturbing the other players. You would then achieve an easy walkover victory.
Besides cheating, you have to strive to irritate your opponent . This will cause them to lose concentration and make poor plays. It would be ideal if you utter nonsense incessantly and in a shouting voice for greater effect. If you have a flair for the dramatic, you could also cry to gain sympathy from your opponent. Here, your money again comes in handy as more bribes would guarantee your immunity.
A large component of a competent Scrabble player is having a extensive vocabulary. Preferably, you should memorize all the words in the dictionary. Unfortunately, this may seem like a daunting task. But do not panic, here is the solution.
Firstly, make sure that you are unemployed , this task requires you to have unlimited leisure time. Then, you must pay a pretty penny for various medications such as mind-accelerating drugs and memory pills. This will surely improve your powers of retention and soon, you will know every single word like the back of your hand.
Also, you may hire a professional hacker to hack into sites containing Scrabble lists and tweak the aforementioned lists. Henceforth, any other player who refers to these online lists will find themselves as victims of a hoax. This act is crucial in sabotaging your opponents' preparations.
During competitions, you could also hire a professional assassin to take out everyone else competing. Thus, you will win the become the victor by default. However, make sure that the hitman harms you too (but not too seriously) to divert suspicion from yourself. Though the contract killer will command a hefty fee that will burn a hole in your pocket , his/her/it's services would be worth every penny.
Last but not least, you should not neglect worship of the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster. You should devote a large proportion of your assets towards building shrines for it and spreading its gospel . These benevolent deeds will earn you brownie points with it . It would then bless you and improve your luck during matches. After all, this would be a more important task for it instead of using its omnipotence and omniscience to relieve the plight of suffering heretics.
If you follow this steps to the letter, you would certainly succeed in Scrabble. Therefore, you should commit them to memory so that you can achieve your aspiration of bing the best player in the world.
Note:
Success is not guaranteed . If you still contrive to fail miserably, you were hopeless from the get go. Don't even think about filing a lawsuit.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Random story
It was a dark and stormy night. Abole was sleeping soundly on his mattress after a thoroughly exhausting day. He had just achieved his best haul yet by catching 47 cats in a solitary day and was on the brink of collapse. Although his mattress was hard and filled with bedbugs, it was an extremely welcome sight to him.
Perhaps some background knowledge would be appropriate here. Abole's family had once been the 12th richest family in the world. Abole's father, Bolea had been the president of a renowned telecommunications company, CAT which has flourished under his enlightened leadership. Just as he seemed poised to usurp the position of richest man in the world from Bill Gates, he was mysteriously found dead in his cupboard. The cause of his sudden demise remains unknown as his body suffered no noticeable harm . This had left many of the world's leading doctors and forensics experts so baffled that they had resorted to proclaiming that he was still alive. However, there was the tiny little fact that his brain wasn't functioning.
This mysterious case had given rise to many wild fabrications . There was one group championing the allegation that Bolea had passed away due to fishballs being rubbed against his neck while another group said that his untimely death was an act of God. Most preposterously, a bunch of Harry Potter fanboys who were out of touch with the real world claimed that this case was the ultimate proof of the existence of Lord Voldemort. They subsequently committed suicide as they thought that they had no chance against the Dark Lord without the Boy who Lived to be their knight in shining armor.
More intrigue was added to the mix when Bolea's will was found. His assets and the leadership of CAT which was supposed to be passed down to his only direct descendant, Abole was instead bequeathed to Mr Tan Toong Lai, a 57 year old rubber tapper from Sandakan. Mr Tan later sold the company to Maxis and used the funds acquired to purchase 268 lifetimes supply of Diet Coke. Thus, the glorious legacy of CAT had been lost forever.
Abole , his mother, Ebloa, and his brother, Obale, were left destitute. Ebloa then chopped her arms off so that they had a better chance of being sympathized with while begging. Unfortunately, they could not afford the hospital fees and so, Ebloa perished from blood loss. The tragedy became complete when only two weeks later, Obale went missing leaving no clues as to where his whereabouts might be.
Abole, left in despair, was then taken in by his nephew, Lobae who was 46 years older than him. While staying with his relative, Abole was forced to work hard for their livelihood. In memory of his father's company, he decided to take up the noble profession of cat hunting . Every day, he would bring some captured felines to his nephew who would then skin them and sell the meat in his hawker centre. Of course, he pretended the cat meat was duck meat . Unfortunately, not many people enjoyed this dish and Lobae barely earned enough to make ends meet. Thus, their life was uncomfortable and the household was devoid of many basic necessities . These circumstances caused Lobae to become moody and prone to anger. He would often beat Abole even when Abole made even the slightest mistake, such as unintentionally setting the house on fire and breaking the wall accidentally.
Though his life was not a bed of roses, Abole remained contented. He thoroughly enjoyed his task of capturing stray (and sometimes not) cats and had soon become ruthlessly efficient in his job. Though he felt sorry for the cats who later be turned into ducks, he knew that he had to do what he must to survive. After all, the ends justified the means.
Back on topic now. Just as Abole had started experiencing a particularly pleasant dream , he was abruptly awaken by an unknown noise..............
(To be continued)
Perhaps some background knowledge would be appropriate here. Abole's family had once been the 12th richest family in the world. Abole's father, Bolea had been the president of a renowned telecommunications company, CAT which has flourished under his enlightened leadership. Just as he seemed poised to usurp the position of richest man in the world from Bill Gates, he was mysteriously found dead in his cupboard. The cause of his sudden demise remains unknown as his body suffered no noticeable harm . This had left many of the world's leading doctors and forensics experts so baffled that they had resorted to proclaiming that he was still alive. However, there was the tiny little fact that his brain wasn't functioning.
This mysterious case had given rise to many wild fabrications . There was one group championing the allegation that Bolea had passed away due to fishballs being rubbed against his neck while another group said that his untimely death was an act of God. Most preposterously, a bunch of Harry Potter fanboys who were out of touch with the real world claimed that this case was the ultimate proof of the existence of Lord Voldemort. They subsequently committed suicide as they thought that they had no chance against the Dark Lord without the Boy who Lived to be their knight in shining armor.
More intrigue was added to the mix when Bolea's will was found. His assets and the leadership of CAT which was supposed to be passed down to his only direct descendant, Abole was instead bequeathed to Mr Tan Toong Lai, a 57 year old rubber tapper from Sandakan. Mr Tan later sold the company to Maxis and used the funds acquired to purchase 268 lifetimes supply of Diet Coke. Thus, the glorious legacy of CAT had been lost forever.
Abole , his mother, Ebloa, and his brother, Obale, were left destitute. Ebloa then chopped her arms off so that they had a better chance of being sympathized with while begging. Unfortunately, they could not afford the hospital fees and so, Ebloa perished from blood loss. The tragedy became complete when only two weeks later, Obale went missing leaving no clues as to where his whereabouts might be.
Abole, left in despair, was then taken in by his nephew, Lobae who was 46 years older than him. While staying with his relative, Abole was forced to work hard for their livelihood. In memory of his father's company, he decided to take up the noble profession of cat hunting . Every day, he would bring some captured felines to his nephew who would then skin them and sell the meat in his hawker centre. Of course, he pretended the cat meat was duck meat . Unfortunately, not many people enjoyed this dish and Lobae barely earned enough to make ends meet. Thus, their life was uncomfortable and the household was devoid of many basic necessities . These circumstances caused Lobae to become moody and prone to anger. He would often beat Abole even when Abole made even the slightest mistake, such as unintentionally setting the house on fire and breaking the wall accidentally.
Though his life was not a bed of roses, Abole remained contented. He thoroughly enjoyed his task of capturing stray (and sometimes not) cats and had soon become ruthlessly efficient in his job. Though he felt sorry for the cats who later be turned into ducks, he knew that he had to do what he must to survive. After all, the ends justified the means.
Back on topic now. Just as Abole had started experiencing a particularly pleasant dream , he was abruptly awaken by an unknown noise..............
(To be continued)
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